New English Definitions

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.

Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually; and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... Except that he got caught.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway 'See I am not injured yet.'

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power ...

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.